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We had a showing for our house today. While they were showing our house, I took my older son to school. Everyone else is at work, so when I came home, the house was VERY clean and VERY quiet. When a house is partially packed and being cleaned all the time for people to come and look, it can seem really empty.
Plus, my boys are older now--one is grown and the other--almost. When most are dealing with the idea of children moving on and growing into their lives, I'm also dealing with moving out of the house where all (or at least most of) the raising of those children happened. You might think it all came crashing in on me, but it didn't.
I'm not leaving my home. I'm not leaving my family. I'm leaving a house. At least, that's what I keep telling myself because the house and the property are full--FULL--of memories.
Bringing home a new puppy when we first moved in
Having new puppies when my nephew's husky got a hold on the no longer new puppy
Building a fort out of an old hay stacker
Same nephew with the husky using the skid steer to build his little cousins a snow fort
Home schooling at the dining room table (I always felt an entire school classroom had invaded my space during those years)
Eating at the Beau Jos pizza lunch buffet after art lessons and always being able to take what was left of the buffet home with us afterward (we always got there toward the end of the lunch buffet, and she may have felt sorry for me having to feed two always starving boys all the time)
Our younger son taming barn cats...no one can do that like him. We always had the sweetest kitties here.
Christmases...putting the star on the tree together because who can remember who did it last year.
Gardening with my little Maltese hiding in the plants, digging in the dirt with me.
Every kind of music you could imagine shaking the walls of my house (teenage years)
Waiting in the kitchen with two little toddlers playing all day while they carpeted the house.
A night time air soft war with glow sticks in the front pasture for an overnight birthday party
Prayer...lots of prayer. Walking the property, walking through the house, praying over the boys, and praying with my husband. Time spent with just Jesus and me.
Watching the little country school, where our oldest first started school, through our back window. Just gazing, and wondering what he was doing...missing him.
Fighting through difficult family issues together
But all these memories are about the people so much more than the house.
We are all processing through what is new and unknown though. My husband and I--and younger son--are moving across the country. We are leaving our oldest son, along with a new fiance, here. That's the zinger. I'm reading a book right now that talks about stretching and expanding like a woman who stretches and expands as she carries a baby. (Beginnings by Steve Wiens). I think this may be where God will be stretching and expanding all five of us. The cross-country move is almost metaphoric for it (stretching all the way across with 5 states between us all).
I believe the answer is in knowing that what binds us together is not proximity or a house. We have the same heart. It's a heart that God put in us, so no one can remove it. No matter where or what my boys (men now) are doing, I am their momma. Their Dad is always, at every moment their dad. Nothing can remove that from us.
I believe the answer is also in looking toward God is doing in all of us. I'm not completely certain of what all of that is at this point either, but trust and faith in what we can't see and knowing that God holds the future for our family is also stretching and expanding in a good way.
I hope both my boys will hold onto their dad and I. We love them so much. I hope we see them for holidays and visits, and that we continue to build new memories together. But most of all, I hope that our combined hope remains in our God. I hope we grow spiritually together. God still has a combined purpose for us all--together...no matter what our geography is. I really can't wait to see what He has in store--for each one of us and all of us.